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Four simple steps for checking in with someone you care about
R U OK? Day reminds us that checking in does not require perfect words. R U OK?’s guidance centres on four steps: ask, listen, encourage action and check in.
Get ready to ask
Before starting, check that you are ready to listen and have enough time to talk. Choose a private, comfortable moment where neither of you needs to rush. Remember that your role is not to fix everything. It is to make space for an honest conversation.
1. Ask R U OK?
Keep your approach relaxed, friendly and genuine. You might say, “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you going?” Mentioning a change you have noticed can make the question feel caring and specific. If they are not ready to talk, let them know you are available when they are.
2. Listen with an open mind
Give them time to speak without interrupting, judging or rushing towards a solution. Acknowledge what they are going through and check that you have understood. Simple questions such as “How long have you felt this way?” can help them share more.
3. Encourage action
Ask what kind of support would feel useful. That may be talking with someone they trust, booking an appointment with a GP or mental health professional, or choosing one manageable action for today. If they have been feeling very low for more than two weeks, encourage professional support.
4. Check in again
A single conversation may not be enough. Follow up in a few days or weeks, depending on how they are doing. Let them know you have been thinking about them, listen again and avoid judgement if they have not taken action yet.
Support beyond the conversation
Here are some of our partners that provide tools to support everyday mental health and emotional wellbeing.
- BetterHelp connects people with licensed therapists for online counselling via video, phone, live chat or messaging. Click here to view perk
- Aura Health offers personalised meditations, breathwork, sleep stories and other mindfulness tools. Click here to view perk
- Roots helps people set healthier phone boundaries, reduce distracting screen time and make more space for offline life. Click here to view perk
- Sleep Reset provides a personalised sleep program using CBT-I-based techniques and guidance to support better sleep. Click here to view perk
- Wysa offers self-guided wellbeing tools, mood tracking, mindfulness exercises and conversational support for everyday stress. Click here to view perk
If urgent help is needed
If someone may be suicidal or in immediate danger, contact emergency services. In Australia, Lifeline is available 24/7 on 13 11 14. In New Zealand, call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 for support.
Key takeaway
Start with a genuine question, then stay present. Listening, helping someone consider their next step and checking in again can make the conversation more meaningful.
Your wellbeing, your way
Checking in on someone else can also be a reminder to notice how you are feeling. If you have access to WHEREFIT, explore mind and mood options that suit you, whether that is speaking with a counsellor, trying a short meditation or building a steadier sleep routine. Small, consistent actions can help make emotional wellbeing part of everyday life.